The Joy of Non-Cooking

Blogs about the love of cooking are everywhere. I wanted to write about the Joy of Non-Cooking, a post dedicated to the art of spending minimal time in the kitchen.

Let’s get something out in the open. I CAN totally cook, not like a cooking channel guru, but I do alright when I need to eat and nothing has been prepared by my husband. The fact is, cooking in general gets on my last nerve! The simple exercise of cutting up an onion is almost a painful experience for me.

Crazy thing is I love websites and Pinterest pins about cooking. I guess that can be blamed on the amazing pictures of mouthwatering treats and the fact that I love to eat.

What bugs me the most about cooking?  Two things: #1 Messing up a clean kitchen & #2 Simply put: IMPATIENCE!

Here is how my mind works when it comes to being in the kitchen(getting into scary territory here). So, let’s say there is a family function where everybody brings a dish to pass. Usually I start out pretty ambitiously because I have been looking at all of those delectable pins. I start browsing and brainstorming about how I can surprise my family with a new awesome dish.

Ambitious Me: This time, I am going to make my family a new awesome dish. I should browse a new-awesome-type-recipe.com website.

Still Ambitious Me: Look at that yummy looking appetizer, so pretty with that sprig of parsley on the fine china plate. It says “easy to prepare”!!!

Still Ambitious Me: I AM definitely am going to make that. Lets go through the ingredients and see what I need.  WTF, 35 ingredients! Thats nuts. That means I am going to have to go grocery shopping…argh I hate grocery shopping….(Note to self – do blog about the art of not going to the grocery store.)

Slightly Ambitious Me: Ingredient #1 Potatoes (check), #2 Sour Cream (check), #3 Onions (add to list), #4 Cheddar Cheese (Add to list), #5 Celery Seed…..1/4 tsp…who will ever taste 1/4 tsp of celery seed in this dish… screw that…leave off the list, #6 Paprika…1/2 tsp…omg Paprika is such a throw away seasoning………Wow, this recipe also takes overnight? Like, all I have to do is sit around waiting for potatoes to marinate. Easy to prepare my ass!!

Lost Ambition Me: Really, this is getting very difficult (Plus by this time my mind is wandering to other things like that grocery blog).  HEY, great idea. Why don’t I go on one of those websites where I enter the items in my pantry and the website gives me the recipe.

Ambition is Peaking Again Me: Okay I have Potatoes, Sour Cream and Cherry Pie filling in the pantry……(enter ingredients and hit search).

Discouraged Me: I can’t believe there are no recipes with potatoes, sour cream and cherry pie filling.  (Another sidebar thought. Why is there cherry pie filling in my pantry anyway? When did I buy it? It’s probably been there since 1993.)

I am over it Me: Maybe I will just make my famous taco dip. Everyone loves that anyway and there is only 6 ingredients, plus I can make it in like 10 minutes. (BONUS: Minimal dirty dishes).

Lightbulb over head Me:  Holler to the husband: “What are you making to take to the family function?” Husband hollers back: “Cookies, some appetizer with 35 ingredients including a sprig of parsley, a salad, a vat of coleslaw, a large rack of lamb and a partridge in a pear tree. Hey, do we have any celery seed?”

Teetering on Resentment & Gratitude Me:   (In head–“Argh there goes my clean kitchen.”) Out loud: “Awesome, I will just make my dip. No celery seed, YOU will have to go grocery shopping.”

And there you go, a little insight into the mind of a person who wishes she loved to cook but accepts the fact that she doesn’t. And for those of you who practice the joy non-cooking like me, I will leave you the recipe for the 10 minute taco dip which I have made for many a family function. You can make it, or volunteer to bring a pre-packaged beverage to pass…hey, I totally get it.

6 Ingredient Taco Dip

1 1/4 Cup Sour Cream
1 1/4 Cup Mayo
1 packet taco seasoning
1 large can refried beans
2 Cups Shredded Cheddar
——————————————–

  • Put corn chips on your husbands grocery list.
  • Spread your refried beans on your prettiest large plate or pan. (A beautiful presentation makes it look like you worked really hard.)
  • Mix together sour cream, mayo and taco dip. (Cooking advice: Measuring is a waste of time, eyeball one cup, add more to taste. )
  • Spread mixture on refried beans. (Unless you have eaten the entire mixture like frosting.)
  • Add Cheddar Cheese.
  • If you are an overachiever, you can chop tomatoes, peppers, black olives, onions and add to the top.
  • Leave can of cherry pie filling in pantry
  • Add a sprig of parsley if you are posting on Pinterest.

Note:  Image courtesy of Apolonia at FreeDigitalPhotos.net